Ok so B may have turned into a mini not-really-but-kinda relationship. That's the issue with having a inherently fun first date I've realized -- you can't tell if you had a good time because of the person or if you had a good time because the date was gonna be a good time no matter what. We went to an open house in the city and pretended to be a young couple interested in purchasing a home together. Hilarious and fun first date, is it not? Well we had a fun time, and he told me all about his fam at dinner afterwards. We chatted for a long time and it didn't hurt that he was tall and pretty. I'm not usually a white collar kinda girl, but him showing up in his fancy work clothes was v attractive at the time.
Date one turned into date 2 and apparently I was a little pissy that there was no kiss after date 2 like there was with O. So what did I do? Unintentionally (intentionally?) create a little dating life drama for myself. I told O about the blog. Yes. THIS BLOG. So he read how hot I thought he was. Obvi he invited me over to his place. Obvi I went because there's been a bit of a drought because #cancer. Let me tell you...I have made some poor decisions in the past with regards to my V, but never have I felt so scummy after a hookup. Don't get me wrong, it was a fun time. But it was SO obvious that he invited me over to hook up and not to watch this weird ass movie on Netflix (and let me tell you, it was WEIRD). His place was excessively bachelor pad-y. He showed me his fridge/freezer. Literally just frozen chicken and milk. Nothing else. But that's besides the point. We make out some more. He literally picks me up, carries me to the bedroom, and throws me down on the bed (#moves but also, I feel like scum because it's definitely a move). Buuuuut now we have moved from mood lighting and music to full blast fluorescent lighting. Now, I'm not against lights but also, getting nakey nake the first time when there was mood and now there's not is kinda ew. And here is where we get extra critical and I really, truly, sincerely hope O does not read this blog. O is a massive dude. Like huge. Like he makes pretty tall beefy guys look tiny. I feel like you can see where this is going. So...ya know...I kinda thought that the member would match his outward size. And it was by no means small. It was just average. But because he's so big, it was just a little surprising that it was average. Nothing wrong with average. Just surprising. So after the fun is over, we awkwardly cuddle for all of 30 seconds in the fluorescent lights #sexy. Then I gotta pee because we're all about that UTI prevention. Then. THEN. HE COMES INTO THE BATHROOM WHILE I'M PEEING BUTT ASS NAKED. Like what?? You're gonna act like we've been dating for years and I'm totally cool with you seeing me on the toilet after I haven't orgasmed but it's whatever. I get dressed. He walks me out. I head back to my place awaiting my roommate's judgement. The good decisions continue. The next evening, I have plans to hang out with B. He comes over. He is nervous but in an endearing way. So of course, I sleep with him because endearing romp time will make up for the scuzz fest from the night before. Yeah. Totally. That's how it works. He's kind about it. He makes it very clear that he didn't come over expecting this to happen. I did. Now, B is endearing. But when I saw I'm down to do the deed, he immediately gets completely naked. Come on dude. There's a process to this. And when I try to stop him from stripping down so quickly, he says, "Oh wait, you wanna do it?" What am I supposed to say? You're butt ass naked. "Yes, please put back on all of your clothes so I can take them off for you." Turns out this is how it works every time. My friends try to convince me that it's ok, and he just needs to be taught. The thing is I don't have time to teach you, and I don't want to feel like a masturbation tool in the meantime. Sorry dude. You're out.
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I've always wanted to date someone hotter than me. I think we all sometimes have that desire. We just want to know what it'd be like to date someone completely and utterly out of our league. Well that's O. He's massively tall, has big beautiful eyes, killer eyebrows, and a great smile. He is competitive in stupid card games, which I like because I am too. We both seem comfortable talking to each other about everything and anything. And to top it all off, he seems to be into me. He kissed me after our second date. But for some strange reason, I don't want to go on another date with him. Why? I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE!
"I'm just not feeling it." It's the most unsatisfying answer ever because it provides absolutely no closure. What does that even mean? Maybe I should've given him more time. Maybe the kiss on the second date scared me for what the third date might entail. Maybe I subconsciously didn't like something about him and don't realize it. Maybe I feel like I haven't dated enough. Maybe things felt rushed since he's going out of town. Maybe...maybe I'm just an asshole. It's all possible. C, aka the sweetest human on this planet. He has really nice blue eyes. But unfortunately...that's all I found attractive about him. Oof. Harsh. I know. I like to think I'm more into someone's personality than their looks, but I also need to be attracted to someone to want to date them and not just be their friend.
We met to play board games. (I'm beginning to see a pattern in my own dating habits...) We had a beer and chatted while I crushed him in a card game. (He later beat me in a board game, but we won't talk about that.) I could tell he was really into me which made it easy to be flirtatious. You know when a guy looks at you and you're just like, "Wow, I've got this," and you just suddenly have all of the confidence in the world? Well that was me with C. It was a fun time. We texted sporadically later, but then I finally texted to tell him I "didn't think it'd work out." And just to prove what a sweety he is...he didn't even ask why! He didn't need any closure. Sometimes I feel like such an asshole turning down guys. To a certain extent, I feel like they're doing me a favor by going out with me because I had cancer and don't feel totally me. But then when I later turn them down, they must feel so terrible because they can't even get the "cancer girl" to go out with them. Oof. The dating world it a rough place, my friends. I decided to spend the majority of my 4th of July with a total stranger. Enter A. We meet at a bar near both of our apartments and seem to really hit it off, eating German food and having a few beers. We head downtown to see the parade, fireworks, a concert, and other holiday festivities but take a detour at another bar first.
Me being me. I don't want to spend my ENTIRE 4th with someone I don't really know. So what do I do? I suggest we meet up with my roommate, his girlfriend, and...get this...her parents. Yup, that's right. I invited my roommate's girlfriend's parents to join our date. Soon after meeting us, her mom says, "So this is y'alls first date, huh?" in her thick Georgia accent. I'm so good at this dating thing. Needless to say, he left right after the fireworks started. On the one hand, we did spend almost five hours together by the end of our date, and he texted me quite a bit on his way home. On the other hand, he didn't text me at all the next day. Or any day after that for that matter. I fully admit, I fucked this one up. Even if it's not your parents, I think a good rule of thumb is to never introduce your first date to any parents. Oh well. You live, you learn. Right before walking into the coffee shop, B texts me that he's in the far back corner. He suggested a coffee shop, and I've strategically chosen this particular coffee shop knowing that it closes early. So if the date isn't going well, I have an easy out. And boy, did I need that out.
I walk to the back to find he's ordered without me. Although, I do admit, I like ordering together just because there's a nice conversation that goes along with ordering. Ya know where you ask what they're getting and they ask what you're getting. And you get a little insight into what they're like. Do they like sweet drinks? Do they like it hot? Do they like it cold? Are they high maintenance? Do they need all the bells and whistles? Are they straightforward? Do they take their coffee black? But whatever. I order my drink, sit down, and know within about 30 seconds this is going to be bad. Pro tip, gentlemen: If you can't think of what to say, LITERALLY ASK HER THE SAME QUESTION SHE ASKED YOU 2 SECONDS AGO. He talks down to me and definitely thinks I'm much too vapid for his tastes. I'm supposed to be impressed that he went to a fancy-ass university. Only I literally go to the same university he went to... My second favorite part of the whole date (my first favorite part being when it ended) was when I asked him about his choice in drinks. He ordered orange juice and a brownie. He goes on to tell me about how he hates coffee and tea and basically all hot drinks. WHY ON EARTH DID YOU SUGGEST WE GO TO A COFFEE SHOP?! So I was late. I'll admit that much. A solid 15 mins. Ok, maybe a little more. I did something wrong, and I'm sorry.
But... That's no excuse for holding my cupcake hostage for the WHOLE DATE! Rude. Let me back up. We decide to meet at a local cupcake place then head over to the [insert performing arts/cultural center] Center to see a Latin American music concert. I'm excited because he seems cute and fun and educated. Since I was late, he suggests not wasting time and heading straight to the cultural center after buying our cupcakes. Ok, fine. So we buy our cupcakes. I pay for mine, and he pays for his as the cashier puts them in the same bag and hands it to S. I came straight from work and am HUNGRY AF. So I want my cupcake. Whatever, we will eat and walk and talk. I can multitask. Now I'm not a girl who cares much if my date pays for my food. I really don't have a protocol for it. If you ask, fine. If you don't ask, fine. If you pay, fine. If I pay, fine. BUT. If I buy my own cupcake, I GET TO DECIDE WHEN TO EAT IT! So our whole walk over to the concert, all I'm thinking about is this damn cupcake. When we get to the cultural center, I think "Great! Now we can eat cupcakes!" Wrong. We get our seats in the concert hall and eating isn't allowed...so he puts the cupcakes under his chair. Devastated. After the first song, I'm not terribly attached to the concert and he doesn't seem to be either. All I want to do is eat. So I suggest we leave. But he wants to listen to one more song. And before you know it, we've stayed for the whole concert. Then he insists we eat the cupcakes on the roof for a good view. So I play along because I can tell he's trying to make it romantic. We go up, we see the view, I oo and ah for him (it was legitimately beautiful), then I beeline it for the picnic table. We are going to eat. I essentially INHALE my delicious chocolaty goodness only to look up and see he has barely eaten half. I make fun of my messy eating and mention how he has barely touched his. He says, he was waiting to see if I wanted to try some before he finished it. It's some shitty fruit flavor (aka, not chocolate), so I thank him but decline. We wrap things up and walk back to the cupcake place so I can get my bike and head home. Hugs and goodbye. From my perspective, he stole my cupcake. From his perspective, I was some crazy girl who couldn't go 3 seconds without food. But once again, he stole my food. I couldn't have acted that crazy because he texted me for awhile afterwards, but things fizzled. It wasn't just the cupcake. There were other things that made us incompatible. I swear. K was a great first date, especially for an app guy. We talked about everything from cancer to politics to exes. I even told him about this blog. Basically, if you are or aren't supposed to talk about it, we talked about it. He made me feel super comfortable and was very easy to talk to which I was nervous about especially since this was my first date in a LONG time.
We ate gelato and played board games together at a local cafe. Awesome first date activity. And here it comes... But... Even after saying in person I'd be interested in a second date, I later decided it'd be best not to. I found his dating history extremely intimidating, having dated women with children and having moved to the area for his last girlfriend. And more importantly, he wasn't as driven as I'd like. It was SUPER hard turning down a guy with two dogs and who's a massage therapist, but I need someone who's motivated and has his own goals. A, bless his soul. We met up right after I finished chemo. I had literally no hair on my head (or most of my body if I'm being completely honest). I had about half my eyebrows and exactly 3 eyelashes. In other words, from my neck down, I was sexy AF but everything above left something to be desired. Not to mention, A was my first app date. Ever. Not just post-chemo. But ever. Like in my life.
We met at a taco joint in the city while I was living with my parents in the suburbs, so coordinating a meetup was a little tricky. I let him pay for the tacos, not because he's a lawyer and I was a broke cancer patient, but because he was 45 minutes late. We had texted FOREVER before meeting up, so things were comfortable from the get-go. Afterwards, we met up with some friends of mine at a ping pong bar. I had what was probably my first beer post-chemo. And a second. And a third. After some chit-chatting and ping pong, he drove us back to my friend's place where I was spending the night. He was a CRAZY driver. Big turn off. We met up again for brunch with some of my friends a week or two later followed by a trip to the mall. What are we?!?! Like 15-years-old?! Things were flirtatious, but then he suddenly stopped texting. He later admitted he was struggling with some mental health issues which is when I ended things. How much of a bitch am I? I literally had cancer (and look like I still do); he says he struggles with depression and all of a sudden that's too much baggage for me? Wow. I think it was less the depression and more the not texting back for a couple weeks. I can be supportive when someone's in need of support, but I refuse to be neglected. Been there, done that. |
AuthorOne girl's journey diving head first into the world of app dating all while trying to regrow some hair Archives
November 2019
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