Ok so B may have turned into a mini not-really-but-kinda relationship. That's the issue with having a inherently fun first date I've realized -- you can't tell if you had a good time because of the person or if you had a good time because the date was gonna be a good time no matter what. We went to an open house in the city and pretended to be a young couple interested in purchasing a home together. Hilarious and fun first date, is it not? Well we had a fun time, and he told me all about his fam at dinner afterwards. We chatted for a long time and it didn't hurt that he was tall and pretty. I'm not usually a white collar kinda girl, but him showing up in his fancy work clothes was v attractive at the time.
Date one turned into date 2 and apparently I was a little pissy that there was no kiss after date 2 like there was with O. So what did I do? Unintentionally (intentionally?) create a little dating life drama for myself. I told O about the blog. Yes. THIS BLOG. So he read how hot I thought he was. Obvi he invited me over to his place. Obvi I went because there's been a bit of a drought because #cancer. Let me tell you...I have made some poor decisions in the past with regards to my V, but never have I felt so scummy after a hookup. Don't get me wrong, it was a fun time. But it was SO obvious that he invited me over to hook up and not to watch this weird ass movie on Netflix (and let me tell you, it was WEIRD). His place was excessively bachelor pad-y. He showed me his fridge/freezer. Literally just frozen chicken and milk. Nothing else. But that's besides the point. We make out some more. He literally picks me up, carries me to the bedroom, and throws me down on the bed (#moves but also, I feel like scum because it's definitely a move). Buuuuut now we have moved from mood lighting and music to full blast fluorescent lighting. Now, I'm not against lights but also, getting nakey nake the first time when there was mood and now there's not is kinda ew. And here is where we get extra critical and I really, truly, sincerely hope O does not read this blog. O is a massive dude. Like huge. Like he makes pretty tall beefy guys look tiny. I feel like you can see where this is going. So...ya know...I kinda thought that the member would match his outward size. And it was by no means small. It was just average. But because he's so big, it was just a little surprising that it was average. Nothing wrong with average. Just surprising. So after the fun is over, we awkwardly cuddle for all of 30 seconds in the fluorescent lights #sexy. Then I gotta pee because we're all about that UTI prevention. Then. THEN. HE COMES INTO THE BATHROOM WHILE I'M PEEING BUTT ASS NAKED. Like what?? You're gonna act like we've been dating for years and I'm totally cool with you seeing me on the toilet after I haven't orgasmed but it's whatever. I get dressed. He walks me out. I head back to my place awaiting my roommate's judgement. The good decisions continue. The next evening, I have plans to hang out with B. He comes over. He is nervous but in an endearing way. So of course, I sleep with him because endearing romp time will make up for the scuzz fest from the night before. Yeah. Totally. That's how it works. He's kind about it. He makes it very clear that he didn't come over expecting this to happen. I did. Now, B is endearing. But when I saw I'm down to do the deed, he immediately gets completely naked. Come on dude. There's a process to this. And when I try to stop him from stripping down so quickly, he says, "Oh wait, you wanna do it?" What am I supposed to say? You're butt ass naked. "Yes, please put back on all of your clothes so I can take them off for you." Turns out this is how it works every time. My friends try to convince me that it's ok, and he just needs to be taught. The thing is I don't have time to teach you, and I don't want to feel like a masturbation tool in the meantime. Sorry dude. You're out.
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AuthorOne girl's journey diving head first into the world of app dating all while trying to regrow some hair Archives
November 2019
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